Not saying that I am biased or anything, but I was continuing to think Carson is the cutest and smartest kid in the world. "And he's not even two yet!" I would often exclaim after sharing another incredible story of his obviously genius-level intelligence. I was continuing in this fantasy world until this week when an older and wiser mom decided to burst my bubble.
I don't think she meant any harm, but she was talking about her children (now 16 and 17) explaining how they learned to read in daycare. So I chimed in with how Carson, on request, can make the sounds for 10 different animals, various transportational vehicles (tractors being his favorite), and a pirate (rrrrrrr!). I also mentioned how he once counted up to 6 and now consistently says, "One!" while holding up the index fingers on each hand when I ask him what numbers he knows.
People must have been humoring me all along because usually they react with amazement, but this mother wasn't about to do that. She mentioned with increasing concern how her children, just to get into kindergarten, had to be able to count up to 20 and know their full names and address, among many other requirements. I don't remember the rest, I think, because I was a bit taken aback. It sounded ludicrous. She may as well have told me that children need to memorize the periodic table of elements, write a thesis paper about their future goals, and understand the fundamentals of algebra before kindergarten! She then went on to point out that this was 17 years ago. "Just think what they may have to know now," she added with, what I thought, seemed a smug smile.
So what happened? Is this even true? I have yet to find out; but if it is, I really have some work to do, because it seems that Carson hasn't even mastered the list of simple lessons in Dharma that Robert Fulghum claims he learned in kindergarten. "Don't hit people" is the one Carson needs to work on right now the most.
Most people believe that children do wrong because their parents condone it. I think it is because the parents are tired. Disciplining a child who's "Not even two!" is a challenge on the same level, I think, as bathing a cat who still has his claws. Now granted, there are those rare cats and children that will submit to that "bath" without even a whimper, but my child is not that cat. He's creative and sensitive and very expressive. He loves to laugh and throw things to see what happens. He loves to spit whatever he is drinking on different surfaces (the wall, his truck, the cat) to see what happens. He is a little scientific experimenter who needs to be reminded often about danger and not hurting others.
I am a tired parent, but that doesn't mean I will stop trying to remind him of these things. We have started trying "time-outs." The early results are frustrating, hopeful, and sometimes hilarious. Here is a play-by-play of one attempt.
- Carson throws a tractor at his daddy who is lying on the couch (an easy target).
- I immediately take the tractor and put it up high (after asking daddy if he is OK).
- I then make Carson face me, and I say, "You threw a tractor at your daddy. That's not nice. You need to say 'sorry Daddy' otherwise you will get a time out."
- Carson grumbles, whines and tries to walk away from me.
- I repeat, "You need to say 'sorry Daddy' or you will have to sit."
- Same response from Carson at a louder volume.
- So I sit him on the floor and start the count.
- He tries to stand up.
- I gently set him back down.
- He tries again two more times.
- I begin to doubt if he really knows what I mean, and just when I am about to give up, he says, "SORRY, DADDY!" and stomps away.
Is this a victory? Maybe a small one step forward...and then ten steps back the next time (sigh).
Later that night, after I have again given him another time out by sitting him on the couch and saying, "Sit down" repeatedly, he throws a hot wheels car at my face. "OUCH!" I cry. He looks angry, and then he says, "Sit down" and walks himself over to the couch for his time out.
Now wait a minute! Does this mean he is giving himself a time out? But he's still throwing things! So have I just taught him that you can continue to throw toys at people as long as you say you are sorry or give yourself a time-out afterwards?!!!! Yeeesh! This is hard. Maybe counting to 20 will be easier.
