The No No's and Milk Allergies

If you read all the latest parent advice, you find out, like I did, that "experts" encourage parents to refrain from using the word "NO" with their very young children. They say, it stifles their urge to explore and learn from experience. Hmmm... I told my husband this one day when I heard him saying "no" to Carson, and his response was, "Well, then what am I supposed to say?" I told him what I have tried which is distracting Carson or simply saying, "That's dangerous."

The next time it came up, Carson was trying to climb up my pant leg as I sat eating my supper. It was my turn to eat (some nights are just like that), and my husband said, "No, no, Carson...uh...I mean, that's dangerous. Your mama is very protective of her food." My husband is quite the comedian, but this example showed me just how crazy this idea of not saying "no" is.

I think "no" is necessary sometimes. I don't want my child learning from experience that the road is a dangerous place to play or that the stove is hot or that if he pulls on Daddy's bike, it will fall on top of him. I do agree that "no" should be reserved for these types of dangerous situations and not be overused, but to never say "no" is just not right. If I start using it now for the most severe of cases, Carson will know that I have a good reason for saying it when he's older.

Now it's more important than ever because yesterday we found out for sure that he has a milk allergy, and he is at an age where he wants to try everything he sees us eating or drinking. The other day, I had to hide as I drank my coffee with cream because he was convinced it would be something he would like - "mmmmm! mmmmmm!" is what he says when he wants a taste. I will try distraction, but when it doesn't work, I will have to say, "No, you can't have this."

Hopefully, he will grow out of this allergy like they say most children do by the age of 3, and hopefully he has no other food allergies, so I won't have to say "no" for the rest of his life. Who wants to deny their child a bowl of ice cream! That's no fun. Until then, I will have to find out more about this food allergy condition. One advantage I have is that I have done a lactose free diet before, so I know some things already, like that butter is all fat and has no lactose. MMMMMMMM! I love butter! Also, lactose-free Breyers ice cream has 1% lactose which was enough to cause a red, angry rash around Carson's mouth when we fed it to him - this was the event that prompted us to see an allergist.

One interesting side note that the allergist told me yesterday was that in his experience children who are adopted are more likely to have allergies. He also said that children with allergies usually are the smarter ones in their class. I wasn't sure what he was saying, but then he went on to say that children of adoption must come from parents who are smart enough to know that they are not able to care for their child and make the wise choice of adoption. I wish I had had more time to ask this doctor questions about these observations, but the visit was soon over. He had some interesting opinions too about why food allergies are on the rise, and they were contrary to the idea about children being exposed to foods too soon. It sounds like I need to do some more research on a good diet for children with milk allergies and on food allergies in general.

One last thing, some advice I would give to parents taking their child to see an allergist is this. The scratch test doesn't hurt, but they do make you wait for 20 minutes for the results, so bring some good distractors (books, toys, etc.), so you don't have to say, "No". Also, I was happy that I had dressed Carson in a button-down onsie, so it was easier to undress him halfway for the test. They did the test on his back, and I was able to leave his pants on. If he had to be more undressed for the 20 minutes, he may have gotten cold. As it turned out, he jumped up and down as I held him for 20 minutes, so there was no getting cold for either of us. And I only had to say "no" once when he tried to eat the magazines (-: