He Looks Like You - Maybe Not

Since we adopted Carson, I have heard numerous times from family and friends that he looks surprisingly like us. It even got to the point where I jokingly questioned my husband if Carson really was his biological son - a plot worthy of a soap opera, but not true.

Then for the first time today, someone told me that my son didn't look like me which surprised me but didn't offend me at all. In fact, because this person is a stranger to me, it made me question whether all this time, if my family member's and friend's judgement has been biased. Have they been seeing what they thought we wanted them to see?

I will admit, it is nice to hear that Carson looks like us, but at the same time, it always made me feel as if maybe it would be harder to adopt a child who was obviously adopted - a baby of a different race. I wouldn't find it any harder, but it brings up a scenario that anyone adopting I am sure has to think about seriously. Can they accept that some people will have a harder time accepting? It shouldn't matter one bit in a perfect world, but the attitudes toward adoption were once so secretive that I think changing them is not an overnight thing. It's funny how you still hear siblings tell each other when they want to hurt them - "You were adopted!!!" I am guilty of that myself, except I used to think that I was the adopted one because I felt so different from my sister and brother.

One of the best articles I read about adoption, that somewhat follows this same idea, was written by a woman observing her friends who adopted. She optimistically pointed out that her friends had no preconceived notions of who their child should be, so he was free to develop without the pressure parents sometimes put on their children to be as smart as, as athletic as, etc. as they were. That's somewhat true, but adoptive parents may feel this pressure more sometimes. After all, we have to prove that our ability to nurture can help our children grow to be successful and happy.

It made me think of parents, adoptive or not, who think they are raising little Mini-Me's. Are they the same ones who claim every bad habit their children display is the fault of their friends? What does this mean for Carson who already seems to me to be the cutest, smartest, most wonderful child in the universe??? It means that he is already so much like me! (-;