Sometimes I wonder, like all parents, if I am doing this right. Carson is our first and only child, so I have no comparison to reassure me, and he didn't come with any instructions. Sometimes I wonder if I am more insecure about my parenting because I am an adoptive parent. I wonder if I am too protective. I see other moms who won't hesitate to take their babies with them anywhere. For us, going to the grocery store is the extent of our adventures.
I also wonder if there are some unwritten rules that I am not following. Does every parent have professional photos done every few months? Does every parent have a big one year birthday bash? I am sure not every parent does, but am I missing out on something by not doing these things? Is he?
I wonder about some day talking to him about how he came to be with us. I do believe that he was meant to be our baby, and there is no way I could love him more. But what will he think of everything once he's old enough to understand? I ache sometimes for the things I haven't been able to do for him like carry him as a part of me for 9 months or breastfeed him to give him a stronger immune system. Will that really matter when all is said and done?
And still, I know, that he is a part of me now no matter how he came to be. It would be easier for me to rip out my own heart than to ever part with him. I guess this is part of being a parent, having these feelings. I still wonder - do adoptive parents feel more or the same amount of insecuries. I'd like to take a poll of parents to find out.
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