Tyrannical Twos - What? You Mean it Gets Worse???

Recently, a friend of mine posted on facebook her frustration with her daughter's terrible twos. I commented that I was right there with her and suggested that we start a support group. Immediately, other "friends" chimed in with their comforting words, little pearls of wisdom such as, "three's are worse" and "I have a five year old who's naughty". Almost every parent with any age of child two to twenty-something plus and every age in between expressed frustration with their children.

I would like to be hopeful and believe that those parents of older children are all just exaggerating or that this is a case of "the squeaky wheel" and the other "wheels" - parents who have no problems - are just staying quiet. Still, I can't help but come to this conclusion - "Being a parent doesn't get easier." However, I still don't think that is any reason to despair because while frustration will never completely go away, some problems will. Here is a list of the things that I know will pass once he is over these "terrible twos."

• He will stop throwing matchbox cars at people.



• He will stop biting.
  
  
• He will stop laughing when I say "Ouch!"



• He will learn that putting on his coat is a not a reason to scream because it means he gets to go outside.



• He will learn to listen to reason.



• He will stop digging up the houseplants to get dirt for his tractor trailer.



• He will stop spitting water on the floor/table/wall/himself. (Note: he has stopped spitting water on the cat)

Here are some things that he does that I don't think will change.

• He will continue to be a back seat driver ("That way! On there! Hawk and bear!" - it means turn here Mama, I want to see the hawk and bear at the Nature Center)



• He will continue to seem to like his "mamadaddy" (his word for daddy - I am "daddymama") more than me - I think it's just natural for a boy and for kids to cling more to the parent who works longer hours outside the home.



• He will continue to want to be outside, no matter what the weather is like.



• He will continue to be a strong-willed person.


Recently, one of my good friends just had a baby girl, and I am catching myself thinking that I wish in some ways to go back to those days of just holding him, but then I remember all the anxieties that come with being a parent of a newborn. So I think I can understand where those parents of older children are coming from when they are saying they wish they could go back to "terrible twos" because it gets worse. They are looking at it in hindsight. If only I could go back with what I know now and comfort that "old" me, the problems that seemed so big then would be laughable, almost.

People live in the present, but sometimes, not enough. So now I am going to make a list of things that I know will change that I would like to remember.





• He "calls" the robins like he "calls" the cats by making a kissing noise, patting his leg, and saying "Here!" He believes they will actually come to him.



• He chases the robins as if he really can catch them.



• He believes he can fly by spreading his arms and running.



• He falls asleep in my arms as I rock him.


• When he wants to be held, he turns around and backs into us, and sits down if we are on the floor.



• He makes sounds of wonder and amazement (Ooooooo) when he sees tractors, big diggers, or any other wonderful things.



• He thinks he can hide by just covering his eyes.



• He runs almost everywhere he goes.



I am sure there is more, but right now, these are all I can recall. Some day I will return and add to this list because I want to heed the advice of many wise parents that I have heard repeatedly, and that is "Enjoy it! It goes fast!"

Everything I Need to Know I Learned BEFORE kindergarten?

Not saying that I am biased or anything, but I was continuing to think Carson is the cutest and smartest kid in the world. "And he's not even two yet!" I would often exclaim after sharing another incredible story of his obviously genius-level intelligence. I was continuing in this fantasy world until this week when an older and wiser mom decided to burst my bubble.

I don't think she meant any harm, but she was talking about her children (now 16 and 17) explaining how they learned to read in daycare. So I chimed in with how Carson, on request, can make the sounds for 10 different animals, various transportational vehicles (tractors being his favorite), and a pirate (rrrrrrr!). I also mentioned how he once counted up to 6 and now consistently says, "One!" while holding up the index fingers on each hand when I ask him what numbers he knows.

People must have been humoring me all along because usually they react with amazement, but this mother wasn't about to do that. She mentioned with increasing concern how her children, just to get into kindergarten, had to be able to count up to 20 and know their full names and address, among many other requirements. I don't remember the rest, I think, because I was a bit taken aback. It sounded ludicrous. She may as well have told me that children need to memorize the periodic table of elements, write a thesis paper about their future goals, and understand the fundamentals of algebra before kindergarten! She then went on to point out that this was 17 years ago. "Just think what they may have to know now," she added with, what I thought, seemed a smug smile.

So what happened? Is this even true? I have yet to find out; but if it is, I really have some work to do, because it seems that Carson hasn't even mastered the list of simple lessons in Dharma that Robert Fulghum claims he learned in kindergarten. "Don't hit people" is the one Carson needs to work on right now the most.

Most people believe that children do wrong because their parents condone it. I think it is because the parents are tired. Disciplining a child who's "Not even two!" is a challenge on the same level, I think, as bathing a cat who still has his claws. Now granted, there are those rare cats and children that will submit to that "bath" without even a whimper, but my child is not that cat. He's creative and sensitive and very expressive. He loves to laugh and throw things to see what happens. He loves to spit whatever he is drinking on different surfaces (the wall, his truck, the cat) to see what happens. He is a little scientific experimenter who needs to be reminded often about danger and not hurting others.

I am a tired parent, but that doesn't mean I will stop trying to remind him of these things. We have started trying "time-outs." The early results are frustrating, hopeful, and sometimes hilarious. Here is a play-by-play of one attempt.

• Carson throws a tractor at his daddy who is lying on the couch (an easy target).


• I immediately take the tractor and put it up high (after asking daddy if he is OK).


• I then make Carson face me, and I say, "You threw a tractor at your daddy. That's not nice. You need to say 'sorry Daddy' otherwise you will get a time out."


• Carson grumbles, whines and tries to walk away from me.


• I repeat, "You need to say 'sorry Daddy' or you will have to sit."


• Same response from Carson at a louder volume.


• So I sit him on the floor and start the count.


• He tries to stand up.


• I gently set him back down.


• He tries again two more times.


• I begin to doubt if he really knows what I mean, and just when I am about to give up, he says, "SORRY, DADDY!" and stomps away.

Is this a victory? Maybe a small one step forward...and then ten steps back the next time (sigh).

Later that night, after I have again given him another time out by sitting him on the couch and saying, "Sit down" repeatedly, he throws a hot wheels car at my face. "OUCH!" I cry. He looks angry, and then he says, "Sit down" and walks himself over to the couch for his time out.

Now wait a minute! Does this mean he is giving himself a time out? But he's still throwing things! So have I just taught him that you can continue to throw toys at people as long as you say you are sorry or give yourself a time-out afterwards?!!!! Yeeesh! This is hard. Maybe counting to 20 will be easier.

New Photos

What Happened to November?

Wow, I know it's been a while, but I didn't think I missed a whole month! I think I know what happened...the afternoon nap is becoming a not-so-sure thing. Yesterday, as I was carrying him to his crib, he began to wail and sob, and in his sobbing voice, he said, "Idonwanna!" Now as I write this, he is sleeping. He requested it - "night night" - he said. However, he is stirring as if to wake up, so I have to update this quick with a list of new and/or funny things he is up to...

• He cries when we pass the tractor store but don't go into it.
• He likes country music songs about tractors - there are two on YouTube that we have viewed no less than 100 times since we found them in November.
• He says John Deere, green tractor, and race car (but he doesn't know yet that race car is palindrome)
• He wants to play in the snow, but we are waiting for his boots to come.
• He says "poop" before, during, and after he does it. So even though this is a sign that he may be ready for potty training, we need to get a potty that doesn't have a removable cushy seat (he thinks it's a big teething ring - whoever thought of such a stupid design?).
• He says rar when I ask him if he is a pirate or when I ask him what a tractor, truck, or Daddy says.
• He has said three sentences: Daddy's at work. George is a monkey. and Daddy says rar! I guess his yesterday's protest I donwanna! counts as number 4.
• He has started waking up again at night, and the only thing that will soothe him is if we sing songs about tractors.
• He knows who Santa is and recognizes him everywhere. He then says Sanna, ho ho! (I feel a bit guilty that he doesn't know Jesus as well - oh well, Catholic guilt trip.)
• He likes to make funny faces at us and laughs when we make them back at him.
• He has stopped eating vegetables.
• He throws some wicked temper tantrums, but has learned to lay himself down on the floor gently before thrashing.
• His curls seem to be growing out )-:
• He gives great hugs, but usually mostly to the cats or when I tell him I am going to "get" him. He loves to play chase, but instead of running away, he runs right at me like a linebacker. That's when I then get a hug.
• He says, "IknowIknow" as he cries when he is hurt (shots, wicked temper tantrums, after running into things, or hugging the cat without the cat's consent) because that is what I have said to him to try to soothe him.
• We are all looking forward to Christmas. Daddy, I mean Carson, already has one cool toy which I had to prevent Daddy from opening early.

That's all for now.

He's a Maniac

Flashdance? - Watch This!

The Nature of Carson

The A-B's

"Our son is a deviant," said my husband earlier today as he told me of their adventures outside. "He waited until I wasn't looking to eat a shovel full of sand!" he explained, exasperatedly.

"He is NOT!" my motherly defense kicked in, even though as I held him he had started beating on my head with a stick he had picked up from the ground earlier. I flinched and defended him, and smiled like having my head serve as a drum was perfectly acceptable. And in the back of my mind a thought flickered and froze me in my tracks, "Am I going to be one of those moms!"

Everyone knows this mom. Everything her baby does is right or just misunderstood. He is always perfect to her and always dreaded by every teacher, coach, lifeguard, fellow classmate, and anyone who is forced to work with him. "He just has his own style," this mother explains to excuse rude and obnoxious behavior.

Yes, I know, he's only 1 and 1/2 years old, so I am jumping the gun here. He's too young to really, truly understand right from wrong. Even though he says "No, No, No" as he is breaking past barriers we put up for his safety around the fireplace and as he is sneakily grabbing a sharp knife from the dishwasher while I am emptying it, it doesn't mean he knows it's wrong or dangerous and is doing it anyway. He is just repeating what we have said. I would like to know at what age does this sense or "common sense" kick in? And how long will I have to tell him "No" for those situations we have deemed more harmful than the use of that word (No) before he has learned.

At the same time, I have many examples of how this kid is his own person and does his own thing, no matter what we say. The latest examples are that he made up his own word for pumpkins (mock-o's), and instead of saying his A-B-C's, he points to the letters and calls them the "A-B's". Also, it's not "Twinkle, Twinkle" little star, it's "Tickle, Tickle." He is so cute! And now I'm back to adoring mother mode. I can't help it. Maybe I can blame it on brain damage suffered from blows to the head. He is perfect to me. I just hope he continues to be nice to the outside world too.